Tuesday 29 June 2010

A Whole Lotta WWF

Tito Santana v Greg Valentine (MSG, 1/21/85)

Man, this was great. They start out real tentative like and Valentine seems almost Flair-esque in his begging off, stalling, etc. Tito of course gets more and more pissed and wants Valentine IN THE MIDDLE because he wants his damn belt back. Then Valentine works him into the corner with a collar-and-elbow tie-up and tries to sneak in a kick to the gut, but Tito catches his leg and punches him right in the nose. He's just all over him at the start, even beginning to set up the figure-four (which is a pretty big part of this feud by now), and Valentine has to bail, beg off and stall because he has no answer. Then I guess he remembers who he is and that he has a rep for being a tough motherfucker and sets about trying to cave Tito's ribs in. Greg's whole stretch on offence is choice and loaded with nasty little touches, stomping Tito just below the armpit like those Murdoch kneedrops to Butch Reed way back (actually I just realised this happened before Murdoch/Reed), digging his elbow into Santana's ribs while he's got him in an abdominal stretch, and straight up clubbing him right in the mush to cut him off. Valentine's big mistake comes when he winds up crotching himself on the middle rope, and at that stage I was expecting them to head towards the 80s WWF feud-progressing non-finish after a few minutes of a Tito fight back. Would've been a really good match, and I would've been happy I took the 15 minutes or so to watch it. But that's not what we actually get. We do get the Tito fight back, which is really spirited in its own right with plenty of GREAT face punching and such, and there's even some more teasing of the figure-four, but Valentine knows he's about to lose and does anything he can to get away from it. Not in the "heel takes a walk and is satisfied with a count out since he'll keep his title" sense, because Valentine has morphed from begging off stooge to surly motherfucker IN FRONT OF OUR VERY EYES, folks. Instead, he just seems to be trying to catch a little wind before unleashing another manly ass-stomping. And that's exactly what we get when Tito crashes and burns on a Dustin Rhodes style missed flying forearm, bouncing off the mat and flying out to the concrete. Valentine is seriously way too surly and nasty for words. Misanthropic, even. There's an especially awesome moment where he tosses Tito out to the floor, and Tito winds up almost hung up on the ropes as he tries to get back in, so Valentine just fish hooks him and lifts his head back so he can club him right in the throat. Last few minutes has Greg trying to put the figure-four on Tito only for that to be reversed each time, and that leads to Santana eventually connecting with a flying forearm. Unfortunately it knocks Greg out to the floor and this time we do get out 80s WWF feud-progressing finish, but holy shit everything beforehand was on point. This might be the best Valentine performance I've seen, actually. The '79 broadway with Backlund is a better match, and Valentine is really good in that as well, but nothing in that compares to the sheer brusque violence of this. Tito's a willing whipping boy and holds his end up splendidly, but pissed off Valentine is the kind of Valentine I can totally dig.


Butch Reed v Tito Santana (Prime Time Wrestling, 5/12/87)

I love Butch Reed. There's probably two guys at most I mark harder for and on some days there wouldn't even be two. He and Slick do some really great 'phantom foreign object' shtick in this, which I really wasn't expecting. They'll pass the "object" between each other while Santana gets the ref' to check him a few times because he's sure they're up to shady business. The ref' never finds anything, though, and Ventura on commentary thinks they're playing mind games. Then once he's satisfied that's Reed's clean, Santana backs him into the corner, and as the ref' goes to split them up, Reed takes the "object" out of his trunks, smacks Tito on the back of the head and tosses it back to Slick. Crowd was eating out of their hands the whole time. I'm also a sucker for Butch Reed working a headlock, because he looks like a guy that could pop your dome like a grape with those huge arms of his. He's got some nice little ways of putting a nasty spin on it as well. Santana's a dude that seemed to *always* be a consistently good mid-card guy that, if you give him time, will put on a good match with just about anyone. Sort of like Matt Hardy of '06-'07 or Christian of '09, except I've watched a shit load of 80s WWF mid-card stuff over the last year and he's managed to do it for about 7 years straight. Granted, the opportunities for Santana to get 20 minutes on TV (or working around the horn, eventually making it to TV) were greater than Hardy or Christian's, but still, the guy was pretty awesome. His flying forearm can be really beautiful sometimes, too. I thought the first five minutes of this were excellent, and while things cool off as it goes, I can't imagine there being more than five WWE matches this year which are given the same amount of time being better.


Bret Hart v Rick Martel (Prime Time Wrestling, 10/16/89)

I liked Martel a lot in this; totally came across as the kind of guy that'd brag about how he's got a yacht and all kinds of fancy shit that you don't to the point you'd want to haul off and break his chin. He's all cocky and cutesy at the beginning since he's practically outsmarting Bret at every turn, doing jumping jacks and cartwheels like a total rube because he thinks he's got this one in the bag. Then Bret wastes him with a clothesline and Ye Cocky Prince with the Sweater Vest and Tennis Shoes is actually a Cocky Pleb, just like the rest of us workin' folks with the pink and black singlets. The commercial break placement of this annoyed me a little because when we come back from the break Martel's back on offence again, and I'm the kind of dweeb that could be swayed from thinking something's really good to thinking it's actually great based on a nice transition spot. Needless to say, Martel's back to his jumping jack, cartwheely, pompous self once he has control again. There's this one spot where he's trying to turn Bret over for the Boston Crab, but Bret manages to swing himself all the way back and send Martel flying the opposite way he was hoping to be going. Then he tries it again, and we get the same results. Third attempt and Bret tries it again, but this time Martel's expecting it and manages to use Bret's momentum to just shift him over onto his belly to hook in the hold. We get another time limit draw here, but I was fairly sure that would be the case going into it, so I was more focused on how they'd fill the time. I thought they did that very well. I'd probably need to watch the Hennig matches again, even though I don't particularly care to, but right now I'd put this high on a list of Bret's best matches from his singles run around this time.


Mankind v The Rock (Royal Rumble, 1/24/99)

Really crazy, out of control brawl. In a post-Benoit world, I'm sure some people will think it has its share of unnecessary violence (ie. the chair shots -- although it could still be considered unnecessary violence even before 6/07), and... well, I can't really disagree with that. But I do think the Beyond The Mat documentary sort of gave it a life of its own in some respects, because outside of one chairshot to the back of Foley's head (which, granted, was real nasty), I never got the impression Rock was taking any liberties. Obviously Foley's hands are handcuffed behind his back and he can't defend himself, which I suppose is "taking liberties" in and of itself, and yeah, Rock lays a few of the shots in with a fair bit of force, but I still didn't see it as him doing anything that Foley himself would've vetoed. Foley's a fucking lunatic, shit like that isn't remotely foreign to that guy. Anyways, I thought Rock was awesome in this. This is probably his peak as this young, trash talking jock champion (or challenger in this case), at least as a heel. Whole bunch of great stuff he does here, like telling Hebnar to "get that piece a shit outta my face" when he's asked if he quits, and his constant verbal abuse of Foley, calling him a "fat piece of monkey trash", and at one point I think he tells him to go piss himself. The spot where he holds the bell up to Foley's ear and rings it is really goofy, but I love daft shit like that. Lawler on commentary does as well. Foley bumps like a mad man to the surprise of nobody. Most people will no doubt remember the one off the walkway where he goes flying into the electrical equipment, which was pretty insane, but I thought his knees-first bump into the steel steps was close to it on the 'what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-him-o-meter'; he just careens into them and it's like his body goes limp as he flies about six feet over the top of them. It's always a brutal looking bump, but this time it looked even more so. Favourite part of the match might be the spot where a handcuffed Foley straight up drops a knee right flush on Rock's balls. Foley refusing to quit by saying "You'll have to kill me" after being blasted with several chairshots is a cool touch, in a somewhat morbid/disturbing kinda way.


Steve Austin v Chris Benoit (Smackdown!, 5/31/01)

I was always sort of "whatever" on this. Thought it was good, but not something I'd go to bat for as a top 30 match in company history. This time I changed my tune. Benoit's ribs are all taped up here and are a big focus throughout. Austin was more or less a complete maniac at this point, and while there's clear "rib work" in spells, Benoit's still doing everything he can to hang with the champ every step of the way. He goes for multiple Crossface attempts in the early stages, matches Austin in a duelling sharpshooter spot, and generally doesn't let Austin get the sort of advantage he needs. Then Austin says "Fuck it" and tries to break him in half by front suplexing him on the announce table. The first suplex looks ugly enough, but the second one is just horrendously nasty. Now Austin's in complete control and it's as if the more comfortable he becomes the more unhinged he becomes. He's dragging Benoit around the ringside area by the tape on his ribs and throwing him into barricades and steps with this crazed look on his face. At random moments it's like he'll leave Benoit alone for a few seconds while he goes looking for someone to punch, then when he doesn't find anyone - because nobody's stupid enough to go near him - he turns back to Benoit and dishes more punishment. Love the part where he's got Benoit where he wants him, so he starts taunting him with the World Title belt, rubbing it in his face and talking trash, and Benoit starts firing back only to run head first into a huge spinebuster. Guys throwing out stupid amounts of German suplexes is a spot I'm not much of a fan of anymore, but Benoit's German-times-11 spot in this feels like a huge moment, like one of his big weapons being used when it's needed most. The crowd completely lose their shit for it, too. Screwjob finish is a screwjob finish, but I get the feeling they might've been building to Benoit actually taking the belt at some point. That obviously never happened, though, because he was gone for a year less than a month later. Excellent match. Austin was on an absolute tear in '01 and this is definitely one of his best outings. Not sure what I was missing before.

Jake 'The Snake' Wrestles Like a Scumbag and I Dig it

Jake Roberts v Dirty White Boy (Smokey Mountain Wrestling, 5/7/94)

Roberts looks like a pure scum. That's right, a pure scum. I've actually been keeping up to date with 2010 wrestling pretty well this year, and a big part of that is because IWRG is having one HELL of an indy run. One of the best feuds they've ran is the Gringos Locos v Black Terry and co. feud, largely because the Gringos are PURE SCUM. Look like scum, fight like scum, live like scum. Scum. The other reason is that Black Terry and co. will brawl like motherfuckers and it's all just really great and you should watch it. DWB isn't as good at punching people in the face and fighting like a wild animal as Black Terry or even Cerebro is, but Roberts definitely manages to reach a lofty level of scumbaggery that I sort of marvel at these days. Slimy cheapshotting fucks are number one and the best. One can also make the comparison to the 12/85 Lawler/Dundee Loser Leaves Town match, since White Boy's patched up eye is clearly the main focus of this. Roberts, as much as I like him, isn't Dundee, and White Boy sure as shit ain't Lawler, so it's not as good as that, but there's a lot of similarities, like Roberts toying with DWB by ducking in and out of his line of vision, punching him in the eye, mocking him because he's half blind, etc. So I guess this is like a hybrid of a Terry-Cerebro/Grinos Locos Super Libre match and the Lawler/Dundee Loser Leaves Town match. Which isn't exactly a bad thing. Finish is also pretty nifty, and Jake pretending to smoke a post-coital cigarette after planting DWB with a DDT was a really scummy cherry on an all around scummy performance... cake... whatever.

Friday 25 June 2010

Funk, Rock 'n' Roll & Russians

Watched a bunch of random stuff last night. I'll hopefully get some thoughts on all of it down eventually. Depends on how drunk I wind up being. Which means I'll probably never get thoughts on all of it down. Here's this for now:

Terry Funk v Jumbo Tsuruta (All Japan, 6/11/76)

The last time I saw this I thought it was a sure fire candidate for the best match of the decade. A few years later... I dunno, maybe my tastes since then have changed even more than I thought they had. I still think it's really, really good, and in some ways I still do think it's one of the better matches of the decade, but this time around it struck me as a total Terry Funk show, which was more interesting to me than it was breathtaking. Not in the sense that Funk's performance was merely an interesting one, lacking in anything that would make it a special one; but in the sense that the match as a whole was more interesting to me than it was breathtaking (like it used to be). I should probably preface this by saying that I always preferred Jumbo to Funk. I mean, I always enjoyed Funk, but Jumbo was like a top 5 all-timer for me. Nowadays, I'm not so sure. Watching Goodhelmet's Funk set, even just a disc and a half in, I can see myself coming out of it (LOL at the idea of me ever actually finishing it) thinking it's Funk that's the top 5 all-timer. As for Jumbo... well, I've sorta lost the love I used to have for him as a worker. Still think he's brilliant, and I probably always will, but over the last couple years he's slowly gone from a guy in my top 5 to a guy that's "only" in my top 25. All of that said, I'm not going to use this, a match three or four years into Jumbo's career, as a basis for discrediting Jumbo. Not at all. Instead, I'll use it to praise Funk, because he's pretty excellent in it. It's 2/3 falls, and the first fall is mostly built around Jumbo working an armbar. Some people will knock it for there not being a proper payoff, but it seemed to me like he was using it as a means of frustrating Terry, who would manage to escape it only to be taken down with an arm drag and put right back in it. I like the 'spunky underdog frustrates champ into making mistakes' dynamic in general, though. There's a few minutes of clipping, but it's not enough to take you out of the match, and it's early anyway, so I can't imagine anything important being chopped. I like the finish to the first fall -- Terry's had enough of this armbar nonsense so he tries to pick up the pace. Except that's the opening Jumbo's looking for and goes for broke with a succession of roll ups, finally keeping him down with a sunset flip. It's a simple fall. Jumbo doesn't really do anything other than work around and armbar, but Terry's awesome at gradually showing more and more annoyance, and the final sequence where he's running back and forth while Jumbo orchestrates the whole thing is really well done. Like Jumbo's poured the marbles and Terry's trying not to slip on them. Second fall is much shorter, but Terry comes out visibly agitated. He's feigning throwing these little slaps to Jumbo's head at the beginning, more to wind Jumbo up than anything else, but before long he's dragged him out to the floor and ramming him into the ring post. You could see the frustration building in the first fall and you're thinking "He's Terry Funk. He's a crazy motherfucker. He's gonna snap at some point..." He doesn't quite "snap", at least not to the point of trying to suffocate young Jumbo with a plastic bag, but he's letting his frustrations out, at least. There's really only one outcome of the fall after that. Final fall is even shorter, but it's your "all-in" fall and it's good, albeit a little disappointing perhaps. Some of the touches Terry adds are really magnificent, though, like selling the landing of a leap frog as if his lower back buckled. Finish is pretty nasty with Funk turning around after the aforementioned leap frog and seeing Jumbo running at him at full steam, so he goes for a quick improv and hot shots him across the top rope. I can't say this "isn't as good as I had remembered", because, honestly, I couldn't really remember anything about it - other than loving it at the time - but I do think it's something I can now point to as a match that made me think about how good the early Jumbo stuff really is. It's unfair to criticise *him* personally for "not doing all that much" given the fact he's still, by and large, a rookie at this point, and Funk's practically good enough for two anyway... but I'd like to go back and see how some of the other big Jumbo singles matches of the decade hold up. If they don't... well, I can't see old man Jumbo elbowing people in the face ever getting old, so there's always that.


Rock N Roll Express v Ivan Koloff & Krusher Kruschev (JCP, 7/9/85)

Terrific match, and another stop on the "RnRs Go From Territory To Territory And Tear It The Fuck Up" tour of 1985. They had an excellent year, and this is probably the stand-out match. Don't get it twisted, though - Koloff and Kruschev bring their working boots and them some, too. Koloff's especially awesome, bumping and stooging, looking foolish and back-pedalling to no real success when the RnRs are on offence, yet being nasty as can be when he's dishing a beating to a pretty boy. Kruschev turns in one of his better performances; everything's simple, but when he's standing with his fist cocked, waiting for a dazed Robert Gibson to turn around so he can clock him on the jaw while women are SCREAMING, you can't really argue its effectiveness. I thought the second - and I guess "main" - FIP spell on Gibson dragged a little in points, though. I usually don't hate David Crockett on commentary, since I tend to get a kick out of commentators that are clearly huge marks for everything going on (Piper's probably my favourite of that ilk. Actually Piper's fuckin' awesome on commentary. Like a six year old that's just inhaled a family sized bag of Skittles), but he was pretty woeful during this and certainly didn't help things when the action started to lull. Maybe if it was just Schiavone and Magnum it would've been easier to listen to (I'm fairly sure it would've, actually). Or maybe if it was Gibson that took the first - and much shorter - stint as FIP and Morton took the longer beatdown then I wouldn't be complaining. Who knows? I'd be interested to see how many US tags from the 80s went longer than this, because right now I can only think of the Final Conflict cage match from Greensboro and that Lawler/Mantel v Dundee/Landell Texas Death Match from Memphis that went three billion falls. Even then, it seems the only version of the latter we're going to get is the clipped up one on the Memphis set. Might be something for the pro-graps historians. Anyway, this is still floating around my "Top US Tags Ever" list, even if it's not quite as high as it used to be.

Thursday 24 June 2010

2010 MOTY List (Updated)

  1. Black Terry, Negro Navarro & Dr. Cerebro v Solar I, Zatura & Suicida (IWRG, 1/28)
  2. Dr. Cerebro v El Hijo Del Diablo (IWRG, 1/31)
  3. Angelico, Solar I & Ultraman Jr. v Negro Navarro, Trauma I & Trauma II (IWRG, 1/7)
  4. Rey Mysterio v CM Punk (WWE, 2/12)
  5. Trauma I & Trauma II v Suicida & Zatura (IWRG, 1/14)
  6. Rey Mysterio v CM Punk (WWE, 3/28)
  7. Black Terry, Dr. Cerebro & El Hijo Del Signo v Pantera, El Hijo Del Pantera & Zatura (IWRG, 2/11)
  8. Black Terry & Dr. Cerebro v Gringo Loco & El Hijo Del Diablo (IWRG, 2/7)
  9. Black Terry & Dr. Cerebro v Gringo Loco & El Hijo Del Diablo (IWRG, 1/24)
  10. Bryan Danielson v Kaval (FCW, 2/7)
  11. Black Terry, Dr. Cerebro & Trauma I v Pantera, El Hijo Del Pantera & Zatura (IWRG, 2/18)
  12. Christian v Ezekiel Jackson (WWE, 1/31)
  13. Rey Mysterio v CM Punk (WWE, 4/25)
  14. Black Terry, Dr. Cerebro & Cerebro Negro v Pantera, Suicida & Zatura (IWRG, 1/7)
  15. Christian & Kane v Ezekiel Jackson & William Regal (WWE, 1/26)
  16. Negro Navarro v Angelico (IWRG, 1/21)
  17. The Undertaker v Rey Mysterio (WWE, 1/31)
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11. Black Terry, Dr. Cerebro & Trauma I v Pantera, El Hijo Del Pantera & Zatura (IWRG, 2/18)

Same match-up as the week before, only this time Trauma I subs in for El Hijo Del Signo. I love Trauma I, btw. I'm not sure who I'd pick as the *better* of the Traumas, but Trauma I is probably my favourite wrestler in the world right now. I thought he was great in this, coming across as a total shitkicker. He throws some amazing headbutts - take a couple of those bad boys and your sternum is cracked right up the middle. That said, Black Terry was the main man. Terry's pretty much always king sized, but he seemed especially pissed off here, and Pantera bore the brunt of his anger. Panter hasn't really done anything to deserve this kind of whipping, but that's why this feud's so awesome - three bad guys pick on three good guys for the fuck of it, and the good guys have no choice but to fight back. I would've liked the third caida to bring some more of the brawling, but you could see those involved were happy with a win provided they'd kicked enough tail beforehand. Terry brings the hate post-match and it's beautiful.

Tuesday 22 June 2010

2010 MOTY List (Updated)

  1. Black Terry, Negro Navarro & Dr. Cerebro v Solar I, Zatura & Suicida (IWRG, 1/28)
  2. Dr. Cerebro v El Hijo Del Diablo (IWRG, 1/31)
  3. Angelico, Solar I & Ultraman Jr. v Negro Navarro, Trauma I & Trauma II (IWRG, 1/7)
  4. Rey Mysterio v CM Punk (WWE, 2/12)
  5. Trauma I & Trauma II v Suicida & Zatura (IWRG, 1/14)
  6. Rey Mysterio v CM Punk (WWE, 3/28)
  7. Black Terry, Dr. Cerebro & El Hijo Del Signo v Pantera, El Hijo Del Pantera & Zatura (IWRG, 2/11)
  8. Black Terry & Dr. Cerebro v Gringo Loco & El Hijo Del Diablo (IWRG, 2/7)
  9. Black Terry & Dr. Cerebro v Gringo Loco & El Hijo Del Diablo (IWRG, 1/24)
  10. Bryan Danielson v Kaval (FCW, 2/7)
  11. Christian v Ezekiel Jackson (WWE, 1/31)
  12. Rey Mysterio v CM Punk (WWE, 4/25)
  13. Black Terry, Dr. Cerebro & Cerebro Negro v Pantera, Suicida & Zatura (IWRG, 1/7)
  14. Christian & Kane v Ezekiel Jackson & William Regal (WWE, 1/26)
  15. Negro Navarro v Angelico (IWRG, 1/21)
  16. The Undertaker v Rey Mysterio (WWE, 1/31)
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7. Black Terry, Dr. Cerebro & El Hijo Del Signo v Pantera, El Hijo Del Pantera & Zatura (IWRG, 2/11)

Black Terry ruling it again here, like he has been in everything I've seen from this year. He was terrific in the first caida, especially when it came to selling the neck injury from the cage match 4 days earlier. He has a good mat section with Pantera to kick this off, but that's upstaged by the super nifty Zatura/Cerebro mat section. Both those guys have become two of my favourites this year, actually. The thing I liked most about this is the shift in mentality of the technicos after the first caida. In the opening Terry/Pantera exchange it's obvious Terry's neck is hurting (aside from his awesome sell-job, the neck is clearly bandaged up... it's kinda hard to miss), but there's never any indication that Pantera is going to target it... even if Terry certainly would. Then Zatura has a stalemate with Cerebro and offers a handshake. Terry and his boys take the first fall, but they're back on the technicos right away, just beating the shit out of them. When the technicos fight back, there's no more handshakes to be seen, going right at the rudos with even more ferocity than that of the rudos themselves. Pantera's stopped ignoring that bullseye on Terry's neck, Zatura's not in a forgiving sort of mood, Hijo Del Pantera's fly kicking Hijo Del Signo in the face and then he murders him with a tope that leaves him three rows deep. Payback's a bitch, I guess. There's one really great moment where Terry fires off a flurry of punches on Pantera, and Pantera shoots him this look of "Oh, so we're doing THAT now, are we?" and just floors him with a flurry of his own right to the fuckin' face. Third caida settles back down somewhat into the mat work, but the third caida mat work is clearly far more niggly than that of the first. Zatura wasn't entering the ring illegally so he could rail off a punch square to Cerebro's chops in the first caida. He sure as shit is in the third. Finish is sort of a let down, but at the same time it means this feud is definitely not over, and I can't wait for the next installment.


8. Black Terry & Dr. Cerebro v Gringo Loco & El Hijo Del Diablo (IWRG, 2/7)

I haven't seen too many Lucha cage matches, but the ones I have seen didn't do much for me at all. This feud has been really good, though, and their 1/24 match was a heck of a brawl, so I was feeling pretty upbeat about this. I wasn't disappointed. It had all the blood, brawling and Black Terry that I was hoping for. The Gringos Locos are such an awesome pair of scumbags as well. Their weapon of choice being cuctus leaves seems like a really goofy idea, but I thought it worked in the 1/24 match and I thought it worked even better here. At one point Cerebro picks one up and just hurls it at Gringo's head like a Frisbee. Guys are getting powerbombed and Samoan dropped on it, too. A bag of cactus leaves in this is akin to Foley's bag of thumbtacks. I see Hijo Del Diablo grating one across Terry's forehead and I imagine the post-match with Terry launching chairs and shit around his dressing room yelling "I didn't just get beat up by a sleazeball... I got beat up by a sleazeball with a CACTUS!"... and naturally I smile. Final few minutes between Terry and Diablo in the ring are loaded with drama while the respective partners try to run interference with a chair while simultaneously using said chair to blast each other in the face. Then some guy in the crowd tries to assault Gringo Loco for cuttin' a promo on Mexico. Locos are scumbag extraordinaire. Cerebro is having a pretty great year. Terry is the best in the world right now... IWRG is the SHIT.

Sunday 20 June 2010

Fuckin' EDDIE, man!

Eddie Guerrero v Rey Mysterio (Smackdown!, 6/23/05)

Fuckin' EDDIE, man. REY as well, but mostly EDDIE. I've been a big fan of this for years, but this is probably the most I've ever enjoyed it. Been said plenty of times already, but Eddie's just phenomenal in it. The whole character portrayel is as good as anything I've ever seen in a match. He starts out all "Hey, I'm really a nice guy and I'll be a good sport" by breaking clean on everything and letting Mysterio out of the corner without taking any cheapshots for a change, but then he gets fed up with that noise because Mysterio's handing him his own ass, so he waits for his moment and BOOM, the mother of all cheapshots. Rey's bump out to the floor is the kind of thing that makes you think "That guy's pretty good". Eddie's in full on dethhhhhhpicable mode from here on out, walking a line between calculated hitman and unhinged psycho. Repeatedly blasting Mysterio's head off the announce table and launching him into the ring steps is calculated hitman. Threatening to murder the ref' for even THINKING about counting them out is unhinged psycho. His control segment is, unsurprisingly, excellent. There aren't too many guys I'd rather watch working a control segment than Eddie; he's just totally focused on trying to snap Mysterio's spine here. Mysterio, also unsurprisingly, sells accordingly. Eddie getting more and more desperate the longer it goes without being able to put Rey away is a simple enough concept, one that's been done numerous times in the past by other wrestlers, but I still don't think anybody's been able to get that point across quite like Eddie manages to in this. It's sort of a gold standard for "heel gradually losing his marbles" performances, I think. Eddie's demented smile post-match suggests he's not accepting this bullshit. He shall not be denied. Who's complaining? Not me.


Eddie Guerrero & Rey Mysterio v MNM (Smackdown!, 7/7/05)

FUCKIN' EDDIE! AGAIN! THIS GUY! Match itself is practically a vehicle to further the Eddie/Mysterio feud and bring the "secret" that had previously been hinted at into it, but when you get to see Eddie doing the shit he does here, you can't really complain about the fact these teams never managed to have the sort of great tag match they could -- or that they never got the chance, rather. Whether one thinks the "Rey's kid is actually Eddie's kid" thing was nonsense or not is irrelevant, because, going back and watching the *build up* to it (thank Goodhelmet for that), it really is some terrific stuff. Starts out with Eddie working Mercury, and after about a minute he demands Rey tags him. Rey's reluctant, but Eddie's screaming about some secret and going fuckin' ballistic while Cole and Tazz are completely lost on commentary. By all rights the match should be over after a few minutes when Eddie hits a frog splash, but instead he picks Mercury up before the ref' can count the three and tags Mysterio back in. Mercury's pretty much dead at this point, and Mysterio's all ready to hit the 619. Eddie's running along the apron, clapping, getting the crowd to clap along, basically doing his best Tom Zenk apron impression, and then BLAM, Rey hits the ropes and Eddie floors him. Eddie's reaction to this is almost that of hilarity. He knew - as did everyone else, I'm sure - what he was going to do right from the jump, and now he's going to kick back and watch Mysterio take a whipping. Literally, because he sits at ringside with his feet up and is quite clearly loving what he sees. Great moment where Cole loses it and shouts something at him and Eddie looks like he's about to swing him like an empty tracksuit. Even Tazz is shitting himself, telling Cole to calm down because Eddie's so unstable. I've talked more about this than I had intended to already, but the remainder reads as: Mysterio makes a comeback, Eddie shits his pants, Mysterio hits the 619, Eddie mauls him, MNM win, Eddie cuts a promo humiliating Rey and then forces him to hold the ropes open for him as he leaves, because he knows Rey won't hit him for fear of THE SECRET~! being revealed. Not much of a "match", but it isn't meant to be. As a whole, though, this is excellent.


Eddie Guerrero v Chris Benoit (Smackdown!, 7/21/05)

This was quite a surprise. Not in a "I just watched Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit have a good match. I'm surprised at that" sense, but in a "there's an Eddie Guerrero v Chris Benoit match that's really good. I'm surprised I haven't heard anyone talk about it" sense. It's really good. Benoit's a mystery opponent here and Eddie shits himself as soon as the music hits. Benoit gets on the mic and starts asking why Eddie's doing what he's doing, trying to talk sense into him and all that jazz, and Eddie isn't interested one bit so he just SOCKS him mid-sentence. Then he grabs a chair and Nick Patrick takes it from him, so he just punts him in the balls instead. The bulk of this is Eddie working Benoit's leg, and I love how just about every time he cuts off Benoit he does so by being a cheating bastard. "Chop battle? Fuck that, eye poke is my friend." Benoit also gets busted open hardway here by throwing headbutts, and it's around this time where Eddie throws his arms up and hightails it. So yeah, surprised that this doesn't get brought up more.


Eddie Guerrero v Rey Mysterio (Great American Bash, 7/24/05)

I'm gonna take the disgusting man-crush I have for Eddie and push it all the way up to raging broner. Eddie is completely and utterly outstanding in this. Not really from a "workrate" standpoint, but as a full blown psycho-maniac-dickhead-Hannibal-Lectar-ain't-got-shit-on-me character. The Smackdown! match is the better match, by quite a bit, but this is the kind of thing you watch and forget about the quality of the match itself because the quality of the character portrayel within it is so good. You know it's something special when the commentators just totally flip out and Tazz starts cursing like a trooper. Even Tony Chimel looks disgusted at a few points. The reason for all of this is Dominick's presence at ringside, a stipulation forced upon the match by Eddie, and the height of Eddie's dickheadedness is using him as a shield so Rey can't get a hold of him (the moment the penny drops and he realises he can use the boy to his advantage is beautiful). It's not just that he's using him as a shield, though. I mean, we've all seen the "guy uses valet/whatever as a shield and winds up cheapshotting other guy as a result" shtick done before, but Eddie does it in such a way that it's as if you're not sure whether he's doing it to protect himself, or if he's actually capable of hurting this poor kid (who looks scared shitless at times, btw, although whether he was acting the whole thing out really well or if he actually *was* scared shitless, I'm not sure (not for a second implying he'd be scared of Eddie actually hurting him; more the fact he's an 8 year old kid having to essentially perform in front however many thousand people were in the arena, and that kind of thing probably was pretty frightening to him)). I mean, it's the way he sort of wraps his hands around Dominick's head with a 100% grade-A "I'm a fuckin' psycho and I'll eat your brains" look on his face. Then he lets him go and Rey, who was on his knees begging Eddie not to hurt his son, lunges at the kid to protect him, and Eddie, in total asshole fashion, sees the opportunity to pounce. And so he does. It's at that point where Tazz snaps on commentary and starts calling him a son of a bitch and stuff. It ruled the fuckin' universe. Lots of moments throughout where Eddie will take a second to stop beating on Rey and turn to Dominick, sometimes smiling like a lunatic, sometimes with a look of disgust at the fact he's even related to the man he hates more than anybody else in the world. It's almost disturbing. Then from time to time he'll go out and touch his cheek or give him a hug and I can't help but picture Michael Cole throwing up. Really, there's so many moments that I could point to as a favourite, but I think my top instance of Eddie being God and whatnot is right at the start where's he's waving at Dominick and telling Mysterio to shake his hand to show him they're friends and they're all happy and stuff. Rey initially responds by staring at him in disgust, and that pisses Eddie off big time, because you see him drop the whole "we're bestest friends" charade in a split second, shifting straight into "shake my hand or you'll be wearing your scrotum as a hat because I'm THAT screwballed". Me trying to explain it doesn't do it justice, but it was glorious. I'd also like to point out that Eddie does the best sell of being crotched on the top turnbuckle ever in this. I'm not even kidding when I say there's an extended sell of a turnbuckle crotching. Eddie rummaging in his tights as if he's trying to shift his balls back into their right place is why THIS GUY is the fuckin' greatest.

Thursday 17 June 2010

Bob Backlund v Greg Valentine (MSG, 2/19/79)

I haven't seen a whole lot of 70s WWF footage (most of it features Backlund, actually), but I can't imagine anything beating this out as the best match they had during the decade. If I do happen to come across something that tops it, I'll be very surprised. I mean, this isn't just comfortably the best WWF match of the 70s (that I've seen) - it's also one of the best matches the company's ever put on.

I'm not a big "note taking" kinda guy, and I don't want to get into rote play-by-play mode for a match that lasts an hour, because that kind of rambling is beyond anything even this retard is capable of, but there's really so much stuff going on here that I'd like to touch on. I guess I'll just preface it by telling you to go watch it for yourself. Then I'll yammer about it for those of you that give a shit (or for my own amusement).

Match starts out with Bob controlling, mostly using a headlock takedown and keeping Greg on the mat, gradually frustrating him more and more. I think the first piece of offence Greg manages to get in is a knee right to the gut, which I can totally dig. Bob's been taking him down and making him look silly so Greg's all "Fuck this shit" and puts a stop to that nonsense before it gets out of hand. Of course, Backlund's back to the headlock before long and Greg continues to be frustrated. Next plan of action is to slap on a full nelson, and it leads to probably the best full nelson spot ever, with Bob gradually breaking Valentine's grip, reversing it into a full nelson of his own and then foiling Greg's subsequent attempts at counter-countering with some freakish strength thrown in for good measure. They manage to milk the holds exceptionally well all the way through this, but that was awesome, and me talking about it doesn't really do it justice. Greg's started begging off at this point, completely incapable of figuring Bob out and getting any worthwhile advantage at all. I remember looking at the clock about now and thinking the first 15 minutes had flown by.

Time for Greg to try something different, this time going for the arm. Bob says "Anything you can do, I can do better" and it's Backlund who winds up controlling - again - with a short arm scissors. So far Bob's been a step ahead of Valentine every time, basically letting him try something only to shut him down and show him how it's really done. "Put me in a full nelson, will ya?" "Work MY arm, will ya?" Backlund's one of my all-time favourites when it comes to milking holds for all they're worth, so I love him yanking back on an armbar while the crowd "OH"s along with him. There's another great moment where Valentine uses the ropes for leverage while he's pushing Backlund's shoulders to the mat, so Bob, still holding onto the arm, drags him back over onto his back and just BLASTS him across the face with his leg. The expression on his face totally makes it because you can actually buy Backlund as this howdy-doody simpleton that's legit offended by someone trying to take a shortcut -- especially against him. I picture him sitting in the back watching on a monitor chanting "USA! USA!" along with the crowd and shouting "Hey man, THAT AIN'T RIGHT!" whenever someone tries to cheat and it makes my day a little brighter. Valentine slapping his hand to get the feeling back post-face-drilling is a nice touch that I always like to see.

The first real sign of a Valentine breakthrough comes about almost by accident. They both hit the ropes and sort of collide into each other, Valentine seemingly clattering into Bob as a result of fatigue more than actual intent. Either way, it gives him an opening to go back to the arm. He hasn't learned his lesson from the last time, though, because he's only able to work him over for a few minutes before the awesome Backlund power-out-of-the-armbar spot where he deadlifts him and casually sits him on the top turnbuckle. Except this time he drops him out on the apron, slaps him across the mush, plants him back in with a slam and then goes back to work on Valentine's arm.

Greg, straight up, hasn't had anything in the way of an answer to Backlund's "So, what are you gonna do?" question. Everything he's tried, Backlund's managed to snuff out, and often come back by doing exactly the same thing Valentine had tried... only Backlund's actually using it effectively. Well, there was that time where Valentine wound up knocking him out to the floor. That kinda worked for a little while, right? Right. And I'm guessing he hasn't forgotten, because as soon as he gets a chance he just launches an oncoming Backlund right out onto the concrete. The last time it was as if Greg had sort of died on his feet, fell into Bob and luckily managed to knock him out the ring. This time, the intent is clear. Backlund takes the man-made-of-jelly bump where he hits the middle rope and kinda flails, not too dissimilar from an Earl Hebnar special, before hitting the floor, too, which you gotta love. Last time Greg went to the arm and wound up getting nowhere. He remembers that. This time he gives Backlund no time at all, stomping his face into the apron in disgust. Backlund still manages to fire off a few headbutts to the gut before leaping back in with a sunset flip - which picked up a huge nearfall - but Valentine's back on him like a flash. AND he goes right to the leg. Nothing else has worked, so it's time for him to set up the figure four. No more fucking around.

Can't stress how great that sequence was. Valentine throwing Backlund out to the floor is a really simple transition spot on its own, but it works as a great payoff to the earlier spot where they teased Valentine taking control. Plus we get some nasty face stomping afterwards, so it's gravy. Then the sunset flip nearfall, which is pretty fuggin' beaut', before Valentine decides the time is right to set up his main weapon. So yeah... terrific transition sequence.

Valentine *in* control is probably even better than Valentine trying to *gain* control. In fact, it's probably the strongest stretch of the match, because you get the initial seeds of Valentine being utterly incapable of putting the figure four on Backlund. If the first 25-30 minutes were about Valentine's inability to gain control, then the next 15-20 are about his inability to actually use that control in the way he'd like. I mean, figure four attempt number one is swatted with relative ease, even countered into a small package. At this point you get the sense Backlund's pretty much the bane of a heel's existence; it's bad enough trying to carve out an advantage against the guy, never mind use it to actually beat him. Valentine working the leg is really good, and Backlund trying to shake him off is equally so. He busts out one of the nuttiest escapes to a half crab I've ever seen, and his hope spots are all used at the right time. Also sells the leg well all the way through this -- love him going for a body slam only for his knee to give way leading to a Valentine nearfall.

The repeated failure of the figure four is one of the big themes in this (we get a payoff of sorts post-match). I already mentioned the first attempt that was countered into a small package, but the next two aren't any more successful. They both come in quick succession, but both attempts leave Valentine face first on the mat. You can see the frustration eating away at him more and more, but he's persistent enough to stay with the leg. The strategy hasn't worked yet, but he'd be foolish to give up on it now.

At this stage there must be between 10-15 minutes left, so this is where they're reaching the "climax". It's already been established that Valentine's goal is to weaken the knee enough to the point where a figure four would most likely seal it. He's achieved the former; hasn't managed the latter. Backlund's a brick shit house that's gonna take some stopping... and even then he keeps on truckin'. He's also the kind of guy with enough in the holster that'll more or less kill you dead if you give him the chance.

The stretch run is packed with great stuff, eg. Bob hitting a big atomic drop and selling the knee, blocking a splash and again selling the knee, trying to hook Valentine for a butterfly suplex and failing because his bad leg is shaking so much that he can barely stand up, etc. Also love how they sell the exhaustion, and there's one awesome moment where Valentine tries to get back in the ring and sort of just falls through the ropes because stepping in requires too much effort at this point. There's even some more built onto the "anything Valentine can do, Backlund can do better" theme when Backlund spots Valentine's leg resting on the bottom rope and decides to jump on it. He takes a minute or two to soften it up, and now it's him trying to put Greg in the figure four. Valentine can at least counter that, but then he goes for one of his own and Bob isn't having any of it. Fourth time he's tried it, fourth time he's failed. Greg's reaction to this by punching the mat in frustration really sums up the night the poor guy's having. And it doesn't get any better a minute later when he tries it a FIFTH time... which again blows up in his face. Even the referee gets tossed this time.

Final few minutes are all about both guys being completely spent and the idea that if either were able to land a "final blow" then it really would be final. Neither can stand up properly, but that doesn't stop one last exchange of fists right in the middle of the ring. Valentine's sixth and final attempt at the figure four is - again - blocked, and Backlund's big push at the end is ultimately for nothing, because the bell rings the instant he spikes Greg with a piledriver.

Terrific match. Both guys are so good all the way through, and the time limit expiring when it did leaves more than enough on the table for a rematch -- Bob hit the piledriver but it was over before he could make the cover, and Greg, had he managed to apply the figure four, surely would've won the belt. He actually manages to put it on post-match, but by then it was irrelevant. There's some very brief lulls when they get a little static in the holds, but really, it's nothing worth complaining about. Best Valentine match ever. Might be the best Backlund match ever, as well.

Saturday 5 June 2010

DOUBLE A OF THE DAY #7

Arn Anderson v Dustin Rhodes (WCW Saturday Night, 1/4/92)

This is generally thought of as being one of the best singles matches of either guy's career. Not sure where I'd put it if I were to make a top 5-10 of the best singles matches they've been in, but I get the feeling I'd probably rank it pretty high. It's really, really good.

First few minutes are all about Arn trying to create an opening for himself only for Dustin to keep cutting him off, mostly using an armbar. Arn goes for a headlock, Dustin slips out and ties up the arm, that kind of thing. From there they work into the first real stretch of offence with Dustin wrapping Arn's leg around the post and working on the knee. Arn's great at selling it during failed comeback attempts, like catching Dustin with a running knee to the gut only to collapse on his ass from the pain. Dustin doesn't do anything flashy when he's working Arn over, but everything's solid and it all keeps moving along nicely.

Then Arn calls on old trusty and catches Dustin with big spinebuster. "It's gut check time now!" Arn's main focus here is Dustin's left arm. In #5 I spoke about Arn working over a young Shane Douglas' arm with some of the best looking shit ever, just torturing the kid until the referee decides he's too fucked up to continue. You get the same vibe here, only Dustin isn't Shane Douglas and the referee ain't stoppin' shit, so you get some great limp-armed babyface hope spots, some killer arm work (those stomps, baby), and with Paul E. at ringside you get some nasty looking cheapshots from the sleazy leader himself. There's a great moment where Arn has Dustin in an armbar near the ropes and Dustin manages to half stand up and force Arn into a pinning situation, so when the ref' dives down to make the count, Dangerously jumps up on the apron and blasts Dustin with his telephone. There's one lady in the crowd with a child that looks to be no more than a year old and she's completely livid at this point, jumping right out of her chair and practically swinging the kid around in a fit of rage.

Final few minutes have Dangerous Alliance shenanigans aplenty, firstly with Eaton preventing the Dustin win off a bulldog by hitting the Alabama Jam (Paul E. has the ref' distracted at this point). Steamboat hits the scene and you've got a brawl on the floor while the ref's all over the place trying to keep an eye on the match while trying to break up the ensuing riot on the floor (Austin and Windham appear not long after Steamboat). Eaton's constant interference in the face of adversity results in a few great nearfalls, although eventually things deteriorate so much that Randy Anderson has no choice but to throw it out the window.

Super match. Gets plenty of time to develop and both guys are spot on in their roles. They have a rematch later in the month that's much shorter, and while it's not as good as this as a whole, I think Arn's performance there is even better. Five minutes or twenty five minutes, the guy rocks the fuckin' house.

Friday 4 June 2010

2010 MOTY List (Updated)

  1. Black Terry, Negro Navarro & Dr. Cerebro v Solar I, Zatura & Suicida (IWRG, 1/28)
  2. Dr. Cerebro v El Hijo Del Diablo (IWRG, 1/31)
  3. Angelico, Solar I & Ultraman Jr. v Negro Navarro, Trauma I & Trauma II (IWRG, 1/7)
  4. Rey Mysterio v CM Punk (WWE, 2/12)
  5. Trauma I & Trauma II v Suicida & Zatura (IWRG, 1/14)
  6. Rey Mysterio v CM Punk (WWE, 3/28)
  7. Black Terry & Dr. Cerebro v Gringo Loco & El Hijo Del Diablo (IWRG, 1/24)
  8. Bryan Danielson v Kaval (FCW, 2/7)
  9. Christian v Ezekiel Jackson (WWE, 1/31)
  10. Rey Mysterio v CM Punk (WWE, 4/25)
  11. Black Terry, Dr. Cerebro & Cerebro Negro v Pantera, Suicida & Zatura (IWRG, 1/7)
  12. Christian & Kane v Ezekiel Jackson & William Regal (WWE, 1/26)
  13. Negro Navarro v Angelico (IWRG, 1/21)
  14. The Undertaker v Rey Mysterio (WWE, 1/31)

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10. Rey Mysterio v CM Punk (WWE, 4/25)

I prefer their Wrestlemania match, and then their February Smackdown! match more than that, but this was still real good. Punk's offence is probably my favourite from anybody in the company right now; he's always adding little touches to things, like elbowing Rey a bunch of times in the ribs before attempting a powerbomb, and I dig all of that shit. That said, I didn't think his offence was all that focused here, at least in terms of "body part work". Nothing that bothered me much, though, and the God awful commentary probably fucked with my head, anwyay (Cole can't seem to make up his mind which part of Rey is injured; one minute it's the lower back, the next it's the ribs. Striker is also mind-numbingly terrible. If the crowd wasn't as in to it as they were I would've watched this on mute). Rey's still one of my favourite current wrestlers, but I haven't seen enough from this year - especially when it comes to WWE - to say for certain whether I think he's still the best in the country... although I can't imagine anyone else having overtook him. I have no idea what's worth watching in WWE right now, but I'll definitely check out their match from... I dunno, whatever that last PPV was.